Thursday, October 12, 2006

Sometimes I felt overwhelmed by all that life entails. I seek solace, but I’m tempted to do so in the wrong places:

I may throw myself against my trials, trying to overcome them by my own strength. But soon I find I’m too weak to do so.

I may seek the repose of sleep, but I awake crabbier, more internally desiccated, and an hour older.

I may lose myself in the escapism of entertainment, but I emerge on the other side still consternated and pained.

I may stimulate myself with food or drink or pleasure, but the result is that though I’ve bloated myself, my hunger and thirst remain.

But then, having exhausted my options, I turn to God. And if I connect with Him in prayer for just 15 minutes, my feelings are made joyful, my mind is restored, my thoughts become clear, and my anxiety is unknotted. Whenever I lack anything, I’m learning that God, and nothing else, will satisfy me.

1 comment:

Ρωμανος ~ Romanós said...

In the wrong places… Yes. I sometimes think that what distinguishes people from one another is not their level of spiritual maturity, but how much of their imagined "earthly bank account" they've exhausted, and this goes for me as well.

We don't want to admit that we're totally helpless, hopeless, hapless and destitute, yet we talk like we really believe that "blessed are the poor in spirit," just as long as that's not us. Even if we weren't sometimes under the burden of our fleshly sin, we are still totally depraved because in our "natural" state we're such astute liars.

Francesco of Assisi said, "We're all poor in the eyes of our Lord." The sooner we understand what that really means, the sooner we will turn to God for everything, to Christ who is all in all. We have to understand that the process of being "born again" is not that much different from being born the first time. In both cases, we are flushed out of a very warm, comfortable place and squeezed practically to death by passing through the birth canal, before we are really out and free and home safe.

All the terrors by which our souls are squeezed in this life are only the gradually narrowing "birth canal" that leads us out of a place where we can only die if we stay too long. And just when we think all is lost, the Light appears to receive us.

Dhóxa ti ikonomía Sou, mone Philánthrope! Glory to You for Your plan of salvation, Only Lover of mankind!