Friday, August 25, 2006

I’m good for nothing without God. I mean this fairly literally. Today, I didn’t manage to pray in the morning, and all the rest of the day was chaos inside. I couldn’t think straight, and there’s this angry grinding feeling in my chest, like the sounds my car makes before it breaks down. A day ago, a day in which I’d prayed, I spent an hour articulating how to respond to a burglar lovingly. Today, sans prayer, I spent an hour telling my wife I wanted to become an anarchist and detonate dynamite inside various businesses that I felt had wronged me. She looked concerned and suggested I have a quiet time (sort of like a Pre-school teacher noticing the cranky children need a nap). She also asked if I would make sure there were no people inside the buildings before I blew them to smithereens.

I think scientists have found that during prayer, certain areas of the brain become active. I think this activity must cause special tranquility chemicals to be secreted and released into my blood stream. In no way do I consider this scientific explanation of prayer/God to negate God or prayer – why would I want to offend the Spirit that gave me such a wonderful device?


Ρωμανος ~ Romanós said...

Starting with your very first sentence, you sound like me talking. I see myself, I mean, I experience myself, my natural life, as a limply hanging banner without the wind to blow it into the shape and function it was made for. I need the Holy Spirit to blow in my life, to make that new life visible.

Sometimes I don't manage to get up as I should and pray and read my Bible in the morning before I get ready for work. When that happens, I never fail to make my commute my prayer time with the Lord, turning off the CD player, so in silence I can present myself before Him. BUT, yes, once in awhile (I can't remember when this happened last time), I just simply don't pray at all, and the day just went to pieces, truly as Jesus said, of the man who built his house on sand instead of the rock, the rains came, the gale blew… you know the rest. When I was younger this definitely happened more often. Now, in middle age, life is such a moment by moment struggle that I can't imagine going forward without Jesus.

I had to laugh inwardly, as you really ARE a lot like me, when I read about you telling your wife how you wanted to be an anarchist and blow up the enemy. I am so much that kind of guy in my fleshly man, wow, even at my age it still comes out once and awhile, especially when I'm with younger guys who are struggling with injustice, I can't help joining them in their outrage, but I always push it a little too far verbally, so they see where this is all heading, if we don't stop, and give the people who are oppressing us some slack, since after all, Jesus died for them too (ugh! a repulsive thought! no, Lord, sorry, I take that back!). Currently, where I work is very much in the grips of the industrial cult mentality, and my younger brothers in Christ (thank God, we have numbers on our side!) and I have to day by day keep the integrity of our witness in the face of the oppression. On our break times together, though, we let it out sometimes, and if only jokingly, we talk like a bunch of mujahedeen, Christian ones, of course! Anyway, back to what you said, yeah, just ask my wife, I used to say the same things.

Back to praying versus not…
You know what's really cool? When I've had a very good morning with the Lord before work, and I'm not kidding, EVERY traffic light turns green just before I get there, and the ones that are already gren never turn yellow even as I pass under them, and I drive the entire 14 miles to work that way. When that happens, I just know that the Lord is going to bless me a lot that day.

I hope you know that this is just a fun comment, letting you in on my all too human side, just as you've let us a little into yours.

Thank our Father God He's always there for us, thank Jesus for going ahead of us, and thank the Holy Spirit for putting up with us sometimes, and changing us into what God has made us… His kids! (Yes, and spoiled ones at that!)

Ben said...

I'm curious. How did you say one could respond to a burglar lovingly? I'd love to hear it.