Monument

I've always like the idea of a prayer journal, especially for keeping track of answered prayers. But I'm a terrible journaler, so it's never happened. I'm going to try to do it here.

First, to mark where I'm at, I have been a Christian since August 1997, and I'd conservatively estimate that I've had thousands of prayers answered.

This past week, God answered my cry very directly with Galatians 6:9 Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary. It spoke directly to my struggle, and God renewed my heart and strength.

The Gospel and Prayer

Speaking loosely, I've begun to find that prayer is the most important means of living the Gospel.

This is because my understanding of the Gospel is that the human experience is the quest for deliverance from Evil, and the good news is that God, in his perfect capacity, acts to deliver us from evil. Our role is almost a passive one, except that we are to simply believe that God is, in fact, acting to save us.

And prayer is the perfect way to experience this. By making a petition to God, we acknowledge our need (or, in other words, it's an act of repenting from the sin of self-sufficiency, aka, believing we can save ourselves, aka, believing that we are God). In that act, we also are expresssing our faith that God can and will save us. And then we wait on God, in His infinite wisdom and capacity, to answer, knowing that either He will do as we've prayed, or else it wouldn't have been good for us if He had.

Prayer to become an Evangelist

You might remember that a few weeks ago I was soliciting prayer to become an Evangelist. An interesting thing has happened: as I’ve prayed for the gift of evangelism, my desire for it has decreased. I wonder if this is one of two things. Either it’s me losing focus and just going with the inertia of a non-evangelistic life or it’s God saying ‘no that’s not for you right now.’

I’d be interested in your thoughts.

Soliciting prayers...

If you'd be willing to offer up a prayer for me, I'm asking God to make me an evangelist. Not a stadium tour type, just someone who consistently goes to people and makes the plea of the Gospel. I've never done this well, and I feel a deep internal blockage to speaking up.

The catalyst for this prayer was last night at the youth group I volunteer at, we were informed one of the girl's father has an untreatable form of cancer. Further, none of the girl's family, apparently, knows Christ. We all prayed ... but I've prayed for the sick before, which is fine ... but I wondered, 'why doesn't someone stand up and say, let's go visit this guy and tell him about the Gospel?' No one did, and I'm praying that God would make me into someone who would do that.

I don't believe people are primarily responsible--at all-- for bringing about in others faith in Christ. But, I do know that Paul said "How will they hear the Gospel if no one tells them?" Currently, my conscience rests very uneasily on my record of having not been someone who makes a real effort to tell people the Gospel.

So, your prayers are appreciated. And discussion of this topic is welcome too.

Blogging Lent

I’m going to be joining some friends in a blogging project for Lent. (see jackswords.com and uglyevangelical.blogspot.com). The goal is to reflect on the words Jesus said from the Cross. This week’s saying is “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”

1. This saying is so right…until I try it myself. When someone wrongs me, my first thought is usually to curse them. I’ve noticed that virtue always looks great on others, but for some reason we don’t like to wear it ourselves. I think, here, about the beauty of Jesus praying this prayer for his persecutors.

2. I always wonder whether this prayer actually worked. Does praying for God to forgive someone have any power to bring God’s forgiveness about?

Interview with Sen. Obama

This morning I caught a bit of an interview with Sen. Obama. He briefly discussed what he prays each night and said that he asks ‘for the safety of his family, the forgiveness for his screw-ups, and that he be an instrument of God’s will.’

Good prayers, I think.

He elaborated a bit about praying to be used by God saying 'you've got to have a bit of megalomania to think you should be the president of the United States. But, still, it's got to be about more than you ... a bigger purpose.'

I really like this level of self-awareness and vision that he has.

Emptiness, Ecstasy, Hope

In this life, my soul has never been completely satisfied. Often I feel empty inside. I’ve typically dealt with this in one of two ways: 1) distract myself with pleasure (license) or 2) try to discipline the unsatisfied desire to death (law).

Recently, however, I think God taught me something. The desire is real and legitimate. But it can’t be met by illegitimate means (worldly pleasure), yet it can’t be removed either (through discipline or asceticism or lobotomy). Instead, it’s to be directed heavenward. And God taught me a prayer to express this:

“My soul thirst for God, for the living God, when shall I go and appear before God?” (Psalm 42:2).

This has been helpful in two ways. Once, while I was feeling dissatisfied with life, I prayed this and was met with fairly strong internal joy. It’s my guess that was a small version of what some Christians have called “ecstatic experiences, visions or swoons.” This only happened the once, but I’ve only tried a few times. The other times, I prayed this only briefly and did not feel any ecstasy, but it was helpful nevertheless because it was comforting to be able to properly identify my experience. My heartfelt desires aren’t just my Mr. Jekyll trying to get out, but I also have a soul that thirsts for God, and on this side of the Valley of the Shadow of Death, that desire will never be fully satisfied. But my faith tells me that there is a time when it will be, and properly understanding my unsatiated desire helps me direct my energy toward the trek toward Home.

God answers prayer

Earlier this week my wife and I were entrenched in a disagreement, and it was not getting better; in fact, our efforts seemed to be making it worse. But then we prayed, a few others prayed for us, and amazingly, in the middle of a conversation, something changed and things got immediately better. It was weird, and I take it as an answer to prayer.

(Tangent: it just occurred to me that "luck" is a far more dubious concept than "prayer".)

Post your own answered prayers or prayer requests.

Late Night Agnostic (new version)

Are you awake,
aching to fill your heart
with the perfect tv show?

Are you so hungry
you eat all the cookies
to see if God is in the chocolate chips?

Do you pray
to the Internet,
each ‘click’ a little plea
for just a pittance of distraction?

Does your only relief
from the painful waiting
come when your vigil fails
and you fall asleep?

Answered prayers?

Post your recent answered prayers, for the encouragement of others and the Glory of God.

About a month ago, I was thinking about how biblical discipleship seems to involve the discipler (e.g., Jesus) calling the disciple, and not the other way around. In the past I’ve sought out the people I wanted to mentor me (except for Larry, who I’ve mentioned before), but this time I prayed to God, “if you want me to be discipled, I’m just going to do nothing and wait until a someone calls me.”

About two days later, I received an e-mail from a man asking if I’d like to start meeting for discipleship.

Psalm 55:

...
16 But I call to God,
and the LORD saves me.

17 Evening, morning and noon
I cry out in distress,
and he hears my voice.

18 He ransoms me unharmed
from the battle waged against me,
even though many oppose me...

Ya' feel Me?

What do you feel when you pray? If I'm having what seems like a "good" time in prayer, I get this tingly, airy, spacious feeling in my chest. I won't pretend otherwise: I tend to think this feeling is God, like a mystical haze, ebbing into me.

Other times, "bad" times, I feel...nothing, nothing but a dull numbness.

I know there's probably neither scientific nor theological reason to think this tingly feeling is God's presence or that the lack of a feeling is God's absence. In fact, science and theology probably agree that, in fact, there's no reason to think my "feelings" are necessarily linked to the actual presence or experience of God. But I'd be interested in hearing about the subjective experience of others. Do you feel anything when you pray? Do you feel God?

Answered prayers:

In the spirit of trying to increase faith, please post examples of prayers you've personally seen answered.

I'll start with two:

1. I prayed for a mentally ill friend of mine to be healed from it, and he was. Five years ago he was deeply depressed and suicidal; today he's happy and healthy.

2. I prayed for my wife - when she was still dating someone else. It was very interesting because when I prayed for her, I had a distinct sense that God said to me, 'yes, you'll have her, but not yet.' About a month later she turned me down for a date (she was dating someone else). About 18 months later, we were married. (And I didn't even do anything sneaky to steal her from her old boyfriend, except maybe the prayer).

"Whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours." Mark 11:24.

Whenever I read through a Gospel, I am confronted by bold promises of the possibilities of faith. I know this question is in some ways old hat, but do we believe this promise about prayer? We tend to interpret these 'faith' verse in order to mitigate the possibility that Jesus really meant anything supernatural would happen. But I'm noticing that when Jesus talks about the powerful possibilities of faith, it's usually related to something supernatural happening: moving mountains, calming seas, feeding multitudes, withering fig trees. So, again, do we believe this verse?

Sometimes I felt overwhelmed by all that life entails. I seek solace, but I’m tempted to do so in the wrong places:

I may throw myself against my trials, trying to overcome them by my own strength. But soon I find I’m too weak to do so.

I may seek the repose of sleep, but I awake crabbier, more internally desiccated, and an hour older.

I may lose myself in the escapism of entertainment, but I emerge on the other side still consternated and pained.

I may stimulate myself with food or drink or pleasure, but the result is that though I’ve bloated myself, my hunger and thirst remain.

But then, having exhausted my options, I turn to God. And if I connect with Him in prayer for just 15 minutes, my feelings are made joyful, my mind is restored, my thoughts become clear, and my anxiety is unknotted. Whenever I lack anything, I’m learning that God, and nothing else, will satisfy me.

I can't seem to pray for myself. I feel as if every thing I would say smacks of either subtle pride (Lord, lead me to the great works I am capable of...) or hapless incomprehension (Lord, let me get this job, or do that thing, if its your will, which I have no reason to think it is...or isn't). I feel better about praying for others, which maybe is a hint.

Also, perhaps it represents progress. I used to think that I knew how to pray, that I prayed apt, godly prayers. Perhaps realizing I don't have a clue what I'm doing and that I often shouldn't open my unclean lips is a sign of growth.

I’m good for nothing without God. I mean this fairly literally. Today, I didn’t manage to pray in the morning, and all the rest of the day was chaos inside. I couldn’t think straight, and there’s this angry grinding feeling in my chest, like the sounds my car makes before it breaks down. A day ago, a day in which I’d prayed, I spent an hour articulating how to respond to a burglar lovingly. Today, sans prayer, I spent an hour telling my wife I wanted to become an anarchist and detonate dynamite inside various businesses that I felt had wronged me. She looked concerned and suggested I have a quiet time (sort of like a Pre-school teacher noticing the cranky children need a nap). She also asked if I would make sure there were no people inside the buildings before I blew them to smithereens.

I think scientists have found that during prayer, certain areas of the brain become active. I think this activity must cause special tranquility chemicals to be secreted and released into my blood stream. In no way do I consider this scientific explanation of prayer/God to negate God or prayer – why would I want to offend the Spirit that gave me such a wonderful device?

Can a Christian expect to overcome their greatest failures and weaknesses?

A prayer for myself and all my friends:

God, have grace and mercy on us,
let us live saintly lives,
let us live lives of love.